Less than 12 hours away

So yeah.  I'm panicking a little.  Scared about the surgery, nervous the anesthesiologist won't clear me for surgery, afraid I'll be the 1% who has complications, and this may sound trivial compared to the other things, but I have vomit anxiety. 

I have an anti-nausea pill and an anti-nausea patch, but people still often throw up quite a bit the first couple of days after surgery.  Not everyone, but enough that it makes me nervous.  I hate throwing up (does anyone like it?), but I'm terrified that it'll somehow hurt my new teeny stomach, like it'll spring a leak or something.  Ugh.

Honestly, there is a tiny part of me that wonders if I'm doing the right thing.  For the post part, I believe this is the best decision, but there's that scared little voice saying, "You've stuck to the pre-op diet so well, you haven't craved carbs, you never once had to talk yourself down from the ledge of ordering a pizza.  Just lose the weight on your own!"  Sigh.

I know that's not the problem, though.  I can lose 50 pounds like a pro.  But I can also gain back 70 like an all-star.  I need this tool to help me keep it off.  The complication risks exist, but they're small.  I have a much better chance of developing full-blown diabetes than I do of having a leak. 

Still, it's scary.  It's 8pm here.  If all goes as planned, I'll be in the middle of surgery 12 hours from now.  I have some prep things to do tonight, I still have to keep drinking tons of water until I go to sleep (or until midnight when I can't drink anything anymore)(and let's face it, I won't be sleeping much tonight), I have to get up at 4am to get ready, take my anti-nausea pill.  I still need to mop the kitchen and bathroom floors, and finish the last load of laundry.

I can't even read fanfic or watch TV.  I cannot pay attention to anything for more than a minute, then I back to obsessing about tomorrow.  I'll be so happy when it's over.  Even if I am ralphing all over the place.